Entry #8 - Rogers conditional and unconditional positive regard

Rogers saw the need for positive regard, in the form of approval and love as universal. He said that we would ideally receive this type of regard on a free and open basis as both children and adults. He believed in unconditional positive regard, which is acceptance and caring extended simply because the person is a human being. Many religions have urged people to accept this attitude but it is a very difficult thing to adopt all of the time and always put into practice. Roger called regard that is given only for meeting certain standards of behaviour conditional positive regard. As children, we are rewarded for doing little things like sharing or cleaning up our rooms and in later life this trend continues- positive regard is given for good preformance at school or work. We also find that our friends will encourage some actions and scorn others (otherwise known as the phenomenon "peer pressure"). The problem with conditional positive regard is that it often leaves the person feeling that it is their self, not their behaviour that is unacceptable. Ideally it should be possible to value a person as a human being without implying that you accept all of their actions (basically regard for the person would be unconditional but regard for their actions would be conditional). In practice however, this does not work out quite so well because both the person giving regard and the person receiving regard find the distinction between the person and the action hard to maintain. When one's actions are criticized, it is hard to not take it as one's general competence and worth as a human. 

I think that Rogers brings up an interesting point in conditional and unconditional positive regard. I can think of times when i have felt conditional positive regard from family and friends. One example that is a fairly prevailing things is that I feel as if I will only get positive regard and love from my parents if I do well in school and get into a good college, and perhaps more importantly, live up to the standards that my sister set for me, even though I know that they will love me no matter what. I know that they have unconditional positive regard to me, even though they have conditional positive regard towards my actions. It is sometimes hard to seperate these two though, and I think this becomes more difficult with people that are not quite as stable in life as your family -- like your friends or someone you are in a relationship with. While your family (hopefully!) will always be there, through the good and the bad, it is harder to take conditional positive regard from people who are not as accountable in the future. 

The picture attached to this post is of Carl Rogers, the theorist attached to unconditional and conditional positive regard.